After sitting, stomach achingly full, in my office with the window cracked so the breeze tickled my arms, I couldn’t contain my desire to escape and ambulate. I didn’t know where I was going until I walked down the steps in front of our building – across the street and into the park next to the Florissant Civic Center. Thank goodness an intelligent person made the sign for the THEATRE that spanned several feet across that building. I followed my feet to a small playground in the park as far from my office as possible. I climbed one, two, three, four steps and sat another four steps away from two tempting blue slides. I leaned back and closed my eyes. The sun soaked deliciously into my pores. I clunked off my shoes, peeled off my socks and gawked at the mess that remained of my nail polish fest from last night. I suck. Legs stretched out and toes hanging in the air, I could breathe. A dog yapped annoyingly in the background, but I was too contented to care.
I felt a desire to pray. A vacuous feeling as of late. So I sighed my troubles in one exhalation – knowing He would hear and understand. Deep in my soul, He said it was okay to let go – as long as I forgave and did not act the same. Keep looking daughter. The answer will come. I did not deserve to hear Him in my absense, but it is not for me to decide what I deserve. He knew what I needed.
I stepped onto the coarse, damp earth, letting that treasured sensation reawaken in my body. Spring will come before I am ready, yet I already am anxious. I steered my bare feet in a jagged path to a bench where my toes were imprisoned. I knew I would return to the playground again – a new favorite place. The air had cleansed my spirit. I hoped I had burned maybe four calories of the 4000 I consumed in my favorite cafeteria lunch – taco salad.
Back in the four walls that contain 40 hours of my week, I opened the window wider, thankful for my respite and went back to work.